So officially a week ago I launched a fitness brand. I am still not entirely sure what I want to do with it, but it's something I have considered for a while. Fitness has long been a passion of mine, one that I don't share with many of my other close friends.
While I don't mind going to the gym alone, I do get a bit lonely. I have often dreamt of being able to have friends to chat about workout splits, counting macros and everything in between. Let me be clear: This kind of lifestyle doesn't appeal to everyone, and that's OK. I just wanted to make some true connections over something I was passionate about.
A week has gone by since I started the brand, and I am shocked by a number of things, both the support and the encouragement! People actually took to following my account in its first week (and complete lack of posts) and actually engage with me.
While some of it could be a *little* canned, it does make me smile every time a comment of encouragement flashes across my screen. While I am stilling trying to figure out what this blog will look like and what types of topics it will tackle (forgive me, readers) I know I do want to write about my thoughts on fitness and the industry, as well as diving into wellness topics, including mental health. Hopefully you'll stick along for the journey.
Today I am having a hard time thinking about my feelings. It can be hard to articulate the source of one's emotions, especially if they're negative and overwhelming. Parsing through my reactions to certain situations and day-to-day emotional changes can be a challenging task. It can be difficult to ask yourself, "Why?" repeatedly with the hopes of uncovering some hidden truth.
Everyone has these kinds of days. I find the best solution may be finding simplicity. Instead of fixating on my complicated and often exhausting emotions, I like to keep myself busy with small tasks. I get joy from checking something off my to-do list, so being able to knock those smaller tasks off my list can give me a sense of quick fulfillment and take the attention away from my feelings at the moment.
I'm on the way back to New York from a weekend in Washington, D.C., where I grew up. My parents still live there.
I hadn't been home in almost four months, due to conflicting schedules and the general busyness of life. I've been meaning to go home more. My grandmother is 95 years old, and has lived with me my entire life. I know these could be the last moments I have with her and I've been determined to foster a sense of calm in her about me, as in, "You don't have to worry about me after you're gone. I'm going to be OK."
D.C. is only four hours away, five in traffic. And yet I would never feel the pull to go if my parents did not live there. I am not particularly fond of the city growing up, and especially in the times I've come back. But I call it home because the people I love and cherish live there. How curious the definition of home is! My parents could move across the world, and I would call whatever destination they now lived "home," because they make the place warm and inviting and full of love. I suppose those components, combined with a roof over your head, defines what home is to me.
Of course, others may define this word a different way. For some it could be the physical construct of a house. For others it could simply mean a place of acceptance. Regardless how one defines where their home is, it hopefully remains with you for the rest of your life, no matter where you move or who you are with. So as I leave one home for another, I am left reflecting on how I want my home within myself to me — a comfortable place for me to feel accepted, a place for me to feel loved.
The importance of not giving up.
When I first moved to New York, I had no real goals. I had gotten my first real job, and just wanted to survive (and get an apartment). Fast forward a couple months later, I was comfortable in (and loving!) my job, living in a pretty sweet apartment in Murray Hill and feeling like I had my shit together.
But I wanted more.
I felt like there was so much untapped potential, so many things I could be doing to push myself further in life. And I wasn't going to let 2019 go to waste. So I got out my pen and paper at the end of 2018 and started making lists.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm a meticulous to-do list maker (I have since gone digital, but my lists are as compulsive as ever). I made three year goals, year goals, six month goals — hell, two week goals. I felt confident going into the year that I was going to reach all of them.
It's now halfway through 2019, and while it's easy to point out all the things I haven't accomplished (or even attempted to start), I'm going to talk about all the things I have done.
The list goes on. And while there's so many awesome things I still have to accomplish, I'm only human. I sometimes procrastinate. Like anyone my age, I probably spent too much time on social media and sometimes can't quite get myself out of bed and be active. But I'm trying. I always tell myself that every day I should try and be the best version of myself. Even though I'll often fail, I should never stop trying. That's where I believe success lies.
But while I always want to be looking ahead to the next thing, it was essential for me today to look back at everything I've done so far this year. And the year is only halfway over.
This is the first of what I hope to be (many) posts. When most of my time at my job is spent writing, it can be hard to find time to write for myself. But I would like to try.
Last year was a year of discovery for me — discovering the kind of person I wanted to be in a job, in a relationship, in a friendship and as a person. This year has been a year of learning. Of trying and failing. Of starting those things I've always been meaning to start.
This is the first iteration of what I've been hoping to do for some time, that is, building my "brand." Though I've grown up in the world of influencers and personalities, I still am not entirely sure what one's "self brand" is. Isn't it just, you know, who you are? Or the person you want to be? Like most, I have a certain idealistic projection of myself I showcase to the world. Sometimes I'm unable to live up to those expectations — but isn't that part of what makes you human?
Either way, this is my brand. I am a writer, I am a fitness enthusiast, I am a continual learner. I am an aspiring cook and a wine enthusiast. I love to travel, but also exploring what's right around the corner.
If I had to use one word to describe myself, especially this year, it would be an evolution. There are so many things I want to do, want to be better at. This site will help be hold myself accountable, but also notice my tangible growth along the way.
So here's to change. And beginnings.